Kiss
Puke
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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