that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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