dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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