Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
