he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize