Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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