The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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