and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
