..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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