I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
