I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
