Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
