I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize