Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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