Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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