PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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