'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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