Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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