I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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