btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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