They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
