I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
