I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
