Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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