Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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