I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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