i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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