Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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