Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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