If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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