I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
