We won't sleep together?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
