"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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