there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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