what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
