btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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