i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
