She is in my trunk
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
