Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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