is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
