I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My ass is underappreciated
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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