and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
