Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
