the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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