'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
