Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
