i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
