yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize