he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize