be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
