I can text with my tongue
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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