i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
