I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I look better un-naked...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
