Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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