Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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