I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
