you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
