We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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