i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize