My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
