i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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