After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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