Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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