I murdered the dance floor call the cops
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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