Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize