Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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