my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
