weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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