I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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