So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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