wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
